May the fifth be with you! Or more to the point, may you be with us on the Fifth of May for our Bank Holiday BingO.M.G! Lots of great prizes and a really fun show, so see you at The George from 9pm.

Bring friends.

It’s gonna be a religious experience at Bank Holiday Bingo on Easter Sunday so expect to get spiritual (unless you’re a beer drinker or a Pioneer). That’s cuz we’re having an Easter Vigil! (Are you excited? I know I’m meant to be.)

To celebrate The Passover and The Passion (no? me neither!), we’ll be visiting the religions of the world – mainly to tell them how we feel about them. Expect blasphemy (especially if you believe in Zeus) and lots of sinful behaviour. There will be many of your favourite friends there – but only if you invite them.

Drag Queen “novenas” start from 9pm – but then again if you spoke fluent Latin like me you’d know that. See you there!

Why give up a night out with me just because it’s Mother’s Day? Apart from the ones who wrote in to RTE to complain about me, most mother’s love me! So get your Ma in on the act this Mother’s Day and get her into The George for Bingo. Who knows she might stay out!

Our Bring Your Ma to Bingo event is an annual tradition and while the mothers seem to be getting younger than the entertainers, we’re still able to show them a good time.  If you want your ma to get the full VIP treatment (which may include a shellac nail treatment from one of the less entertaining drag queens who needs to supplement her income by doing “stuff” on the “side”), be sure to book a table now! Here‘s how.

St. Patrick’s Day falls on a Sunday this year and, mainly because I don’t fancy swimming to The George through a river of wee and vomit, we’re putting on our show at the earlier - and hopefully more sober – time of 6pm. We’ll be full of nationalistic pride and celebrating all the ways there are to be Irish, including not Irish at all… I’ll have Irish dancing cailíní and bodhrán-slapping lesbians as well as a bunch of my favourite ladies. We will stir up such emotions in you that you’ll want to give up your life for your country (or just kill yourself).

Love is a many splendour’d thing. Or so they say. I don’t know what exactly a “splendoured” thing is. My guess:  Something that’s low in actual sugar but high in Xylitol or Aspertame or some sugar replacement. That’s all good if you have Type 2 Diabetes but not so great if you like your cakes to taste nice.  I suppose that means that love – like sugar – is just not for everyone.

But I am sure you already knew that. The postman who passed by your house today knew that. And, as Mary Berry said to the diabetic, “That’s just means that there is more for me!”

I’ve taken time away from opening Valentines cards to tell you about Bingo this Sunday where we will be celebrating Love in its many forms.

Also coming in many forms is the cast: I’ve got Dolly Grip, Victoria Secret, Kristin Kapelli and Bunny this weekend. Please be charitable! I know I will be because, as well as giving some sideways glances and sharp comments, I’ll also be giving away MONEY! The Snowball is €600 – €200 of that must be won on the night. There are other great prizes too.

BUT THAT’S NOT ALL!

It’s well and truly Eurovision Season now. The Irish entry will be chosen next Friday live on The Late Late Show. Contender Ryan Dolan will be on the stage performing his song “Only Love Survives” and he says he is bringing a very special guest. Here’s a preview of his song, which has a clue to the identity this mysterious guest:

I’m off to watch the video to figure this one out. See you Sunday!

“Lady, I’m back!” This week sees the return of Annie Balls. She’s been touring the country as a Bingo Ambassador but now she’s back for a bitchin’ session. Veda and Dolly will supply the agenda and special guest Scottie will have the casting vote. You have been granted Observer Status. Join the session: Sunday 10 February from 9.30pm.

On 3rd February, I’ll be presenting the 800th Bingo at The George. It’s a weekly show. There are 52 weeks in a year… that’s a lot of shows, weeks and years. There have been (mostly legal) highs and lows. There have been shows that I’ll never forget and ones that I can’t remember. I’m hoping to the 800th show will be one to remember.

With a guaranteed payout of an €800 and a massive show with a gaggle of my gal pals busting out their man-handed dance moves, it’s sure to be a fun night out. And with DJ Karen on the decks afterwards, you can bust out your own dance moves until you get it right.

Drink. Drag. Dance… for more years than I care to remember.

Peaches Queen (that’s her in the picture) has decided it’s time to get the fork out of here. And why shouldn’t she? There’s nothing left for her here – she’s used it all up already. So our baby gurl – and Alternative Miss Ireland 2010 – has decided to hop on a plane and head Down Under. Her send-off party starts on a Sunday and ends when her poor Ma shoves her (drunk and covered in glitter) onto a long haul flight. So come join us in this latest instalment of The Scattering, which has seen so many of our compadres board boats, planes and spaceships to pastures newer and greener.

We’ve got a Bon Voyage Bingo party for Peaches on January 27th with a guaranteed cash payout of €200. Plus loads of other prizes. And a great show too. So even if you don’t know Peaches, come along. Seeing your ugly face will convince her that she’s making the right decision to leave.And if you don’t have an ugly face, come anyway and say ‘hi’ to me. (I love a pretty face, me. I’ve had one for years.)

With company from Davina Devine and Victoria Secret and DJ Karen on the decks, we’re gonna have a partay until Peaches thinks she’s in Terminal Two in Kuala Lumpur.

Drink. Drag. Dance… and Peaches. It’ll be like as if you’re emigrating yourself!

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It’s Dolly Grip’s birthday this weekend. She’s off the cake but we’re gonna get her one anyway. We enjoy messing with her head and playing with her willpower. We’ll also be showing off her new¹ svelte body by making her do all the work. Well she does say that she’s the only one of us who actually understands show-business. After all, she was there the first time around, when they did everything in Black & White!

We’ve also got Veda, Victoria Secret and Peaches Queen PLUS a guaranteed payout of €200. Win prizes, watch the show then recreate our “professional” dance-moves on the dance-floor with DJ Karen dropping the beats (or something) until past Dolly’s medication time.

Drink. Drag. Dance… and Dolly. This Sunday, from 9pm. Sure it beats going to Mass!