I was asked to give a talk at the Ignite event at Dublin’s Science Gallery in December. It’s a geektastic event where a bunch of people get up and give a short talk on a subject they know something about. Or at least they pretend to know something about it. The audience don’t get to ask questions so, if you have the taxi waiting outside, you can pretty much say anything you like. Of course, they video the talk so you might get called up on it at some later stage…

Since I am not really an expert on anything  (except 1990s ecstasy tablets) , I had no idea of what to talk about… and because I was terrified that a rational person might find me out, I was quite the Nervous Nellie on the night. The organisers gave me some alcohol, which was naughty since I am clearly underage but it sure got me talking. I think that’s why they called my talk Influences... Here‘s a video of what went down.

It was smart of me to wear my school uniform to give the talk. It gave me an air of authority, don’t ya think? On the other hand, I should have known better than to hold the microphone so close to my mouth. Force of habit because the ones I am used to using in The George require you to (practically) swallow them. The unfortunate side effect is that it make me sound like a man.

During a show, we are always trying to ruin it for each other. The older ones try to drug the younger ones and the fat ones try to trip up the pretty ones. Nothing says “Age is Immaterial” like a fresh scab. The most dangerous time of a group performance is when you are at the front. If you are doing it right, that means the others are behind you -  and you have no idea what they are doing (except that they probably aren’t doing it right).

It’s so very cold so I’m visualizing that I am on a beach with a few of my galpals drinking a few cocktails and catching rays. Here’s a snap from our group trip to Fire Island USA a few years ago. We had a howl there. I caught crabs (and we made salad) and then we taught Victoria how to pose in a more high fashion manner. She’s a quick learner. Davina and Veda then drank the place dry and danced like it was 1945.

Photo by Emma McG. Left to right: Victoria Secret, Davina Devine, Veda Beaux Reves and yours truly (which means me, Shirley Temple Bar).

This is Anto. He used to do production on our shows for many moons (as well as DJ in the club on other nights too). He has been away. Living in Manchester (because he’s worth it). But Anto came back to Dublin to celebrate his birthday with us. Veda used him as a muse in a collaborative performance. This “explains” it.

I think this is one of my most favourite pictures ever – and I haven’t even got around to looking at myself! Here I am with the gang from my Alternative Miss Ireland 2011 performance of the Circle of Life (from The Lion King, which should help to explain our costume choices). It was such a fun performance too. Amongst the madness, see if you can find Victoria Secret, Portia Diamonte, Davina Devine, April Showers, Veda Beaux Reves, Trudy Scrumptious, Bunny O’Hare, DJs Anto & Karen, RuPaul Ryder, “Pan-Pipe Faun Dyke” (whose real stage name I forget), Sinéad Burke (whose stage names are many) and little, old, Madonna-armed me.

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