Some of my less imaginative friends whinge to me about how difficult it is to buy a Christmas gift for The Gay™ in their life. Pahleeze, I tell them. He’s gay! The off-licence is a good place to start.  But if you want to get him something that lasts a little longer than a naggin of Vodka, I have come up with a few suggestions…

Give him everything!

Now that the generous people of Ireland allow you to civil partner your gay partner, why not get a clunky gay civil partnership ring that goes along with the clunky phrase “civil partnership”. You don’t have to tell the love of your life that the diamonds aren’t real. Everyone knows they’re not real diamonds. And that you are not really married. (You’re gay… and you’re in love. That’s better than being married. They just don’t realise that yet).

Back, Sack and Craic

Nothing says Merry Christmas like having all the hair on your ass back ripped out. Stephen Thomas does the (ahem) full service at his great salon on Dame Street. He’ll also tidy wild eyebrows and get your nails looking clean and healthy. And, like the hooker who lives next door, he’s very discreet. You’ll hardly know he’s there. Check his site for prices (and pictures of hairless men!)

Pants

Yeah. It’s obvious but you can never have enough (clean) pants. They come in all shapes, colours and styles. Some are more functional than others. From classic tighty-whiteys from Calvin Klein to more flamboyant AussieBum jocks… Yeah, and you can get zany, festive boxers too… Just don’t expect a thank you.

Alternative Christmas

Give the gift that gives a shit! The Alternative Miss Ireland hits the stage for the very last time in March. You can buy a ticket for your favourite person now. And if you have more than one favourite person, why not buy a box for them all. Boxes on auction right this minute. See here. Another great idea is ‘buying a day’ for someone you love (or hate!) in the glorious calendar souvenir that will be produced for the event. For €20 you get your personal 240 characters immortalised. The days are disappearing so click here to book one (or more) now. All profits from the event go to HIV/AIDS charities.

Let them eat cake!

I love cake. I love Cake Cafe. It’s in behind Daintree (the paper shop) on Camden Street in Dublin 2. Nom. Nom. Nom. They have some great Christmas offers – some that you can eat and some that are good enough to eat. Those aprons, tea towels and plates have a stylised maps & images of Dublin, designed by Niall Sweeney. They are perfect Christmas pressies for your family & friends that have been forced to emigrate. We’ll never forget you…whatever you name was!

 Theatre Dahling!

My pals at thisispopbaby! create some fantastic theatrical offerings. You might remember them from such events as the Pop! tent at Electric Picnic or theatre events like Panti’s In These Shoes? or Neil “Heidi” Watkins’ The Year of Magical Wanking. Well, next year sees them take to The Abbey Theatre with the hilarious musical Alice in Funderland. You can book tickets here. By the way, if you are Down Under, you can catch the Year of Magical Wanking on it’s 3 month tour there this Spring. Deets here.